Kindred souls
by ladyhump
Summary: warning: slash DeanSam non related added a sequel
1. The beginning

**warning:incest**

**own:nothing execpt Liam**

**a/n: remember the story i said i wrote about the boys not being brothers. Give it a chance. Jka1 remember the sneek previews? here is the entire story... well first chpt.**

created 26june to 11juli

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Sam was colouring in his book bored to death, his head leaning against his palm with a bored pout. "Sammy" Sam looked up from his brown bangs straight to his father's worn-out eyes.

"What?" he said grumpy.

"You remember Dean right?" Sam crooked an eyebrow, of course he remembered Dean, Dean was a very gorgeous boy he had a major crush on.

"Maybe" he said feeling a little more happy. John had a bag in his hand dropping it on the floor with a loud thud, Sam tilted his head to the side to se who hided behind his father. John pushed Dean in front of him that was looking down at his shoes all dirty looking.

"His dad is hurt so Dean is going to stay here for a little while. You don't mind don't you Sam?" Sam shook his head already jumping out from his chair and stood in front of Dean that glanced up looking at him with his hazel green eyes and Sam smiled brightly.

"Nope, c'mon I'm gonna show you my new room." He grabbed Dean's muddy hand and ran with him to his room eager to show Dean his new room, his very own room. "You can sleep here to if you want to." Sam said with a huge smile.

Dean looked around not yet uttered a word, Sam started to talk about kindergarten and a list of people that Dean had to beat up for him. "My dad is sick," he said almost sobbing and Sam pulled him to his bed, he used his sleeve to wipe away Dean's tears that started to fall, his lower lip trembling.

"What happened?" Sam asked softly.

"There was this bad man… demon that… he hurt my dad." Dean sobbed out and Sam nodded not every six year old knew these things but he did and so did Dean. "It was my birthday, my eight birthday it's my fault." Dean cried out, crying louder his little lean body shaking like a leaf. Sam carefully put an arm around Dean's shoulder, he was gentle knowing that Dean was very good at combat arts he had seen it himself.

"Don't worry, dad has been hurts a million of times… maybe not millions but many times and he got better. Smarter he says." Sam said very mature and smiled reassuring at Dean that nodded wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"If you tell anyone that I cried I will kill you." Dean threatened and Sam let him go frightened and Dean felt guilty "I won't kill you… just break your arm or something, don't worry it would be quick. Just a snap." Sam backed away from him in terror and Dean looked down at his hands.

"I won't tell," Sam promised he glanced at his father that walked in with the bag.

"Dean can sleep here right Sam?"

"Yes dad," Sam said with a tight voice almost in a piping sound. John grabbed the sleeping bag and gave it to Sam and glanced at Dean that was looking down at his hands still.

"Don't worry sport, his gonna be okay, get ready for bed I'm ordering pizza." John said ruffling affectingly Sam's hair and left. Sam tugged the sleeping bag out kicking away some of his toys from the floor he got from a box at good will. Dean picked one of the toys up.

"Wanna play?" Sam asked already smiling standing in front of him.

"Can't your dad said…"

"Well after." Sam knew that Dean always obeyed John and his own father without question. Sam lifted up his t-shirt and grabbed his PJ's with turtle ninjas on them. He felt Dean's eyes on him while he changed, he grabbed his on PJ's in his bag. It was black with a batman stamp on the chest and Sam smiled brightly.

They ran into the kitchen with their action figures making sounds, John just smiled at them leaving them to play while he paid for the pizza and called "boy's foods here."

Dean came first his hands and face still a little dirty John grabbed a cloth and put it under the tap and washed Dean's face carefully that was looking at his with those hazel eyes.

"Thank you sir." Dean said and sat down and waited until John did a gesture for him to start eating "thanks sir." John exchanged looks with Sam, Liam was a very strictly man a true soldier. Liam trained him, Liam was ten years older then him, sometimes John wondered how Liam even got a son. All he knew was that Dean's mom died at childbirth and was a hippie that's it.

"Your welcome Dean, you don't need to call me sir. Call me John, sir makes me feel old."

"Sorry sir…John" Dean quickly corrected himself looking confused at Sam that was laughing.

"Sir John" Sam laughed and John chuckled, even Dean managed a small smile. "Dad can we stay up and watch TV?"

"No Sam, you have been up all day."

"Its only eight a clock," Sam whined pouting at his father that shook his head at him telling him strictly no. Sam sighed disappointed eating his pizza and glancing at Dean that was eating very hungry.

John tucked them into the bed, the sleeping bag long forgotten on the floor. Dean was already half a sleep his eyes fluttering close. Sam smiled at his dad that kissed his forehead and left them telling him that he was down the hall if they needed him.

Sam glanced at Dean and snuggled a little closer that cracked an eye open "what ya doing?" he asked hoarsely well as hoarsely a eight year old could get.

"Nothing" Sam said quickly moving away and Dean chuckled and closed his eyes, murmuring that Sam could snuggle close if he promised not to tell. "Promise," Sam said with a wide smile.

Sam stirred when Dean got up the bed at 5 am he was too tired to question him and fell a sleep again.

Dean tip tapped to John's room shaking him awake "sir?"

"Hmmpwh" John replied cracking an eye open looking at Dean that stood in front of him. He propped himself on his elbows "what wrong Dean? Bad dream?" he rubbed his eyes.

"No its 5am, dad wakes me by now… you know training." John brow furrowed okay he was going to have a little talk with Liam.

"No Dean, okay listen to me, these are the rules when your staying here, one no training in the morning, no more sir, your gonna be a kid play with Sam or something, just relax Dean." John said standing up leading him to Sam's room.

"Sam is nice." John chuckled and nodded, he tucked Dean back in the bed smiling softly when Sam rolled to Dean's side snoring softly. "Thank you John" he said yawning falling a sleep again seeing John's soft smile.

"Liam c'mon…" John argued as Liam stormed in the apartment seeing Dean running around chasing a laughing Sam. "Let him stay, it's late."

"_Real late_ his running around, John I don't tell you how to raise your son, you're not going to tell me how to raise mine." He said growling "Dean come here now." Dean froze in his tracks and hurried to stand in front of his father.

"Here sir."

"Pack your things we are leaving."

"Yes sir" Dean hurried to Sam's room and Sam stood pouting his arms crossed shooting angry looks at Liam that shot him disapproving ones. "Bye Sammy" he waved as he got pulled out by his father. "Thank you for letting me stay John." He said before getting pushed into the car.

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If ya want chpt 2 i want at least 5 reviews on each chpt 


	2. grown up

Sam took notes from his book and grinned when he heard the voice behind him "hey geek boy."

"Hey pretty boy," Sam said turning around with a big smile. Dean made sure that the door was shut before straddling Sam kissing him passionate. This was their little ritual they had for the last two years.

Dean was beauty personified and Sam loved him, like really loved him like in love with him. Sam pulled and tugged Dean's jacket that moaned into his mouth. They broke the kiss as their air ran out, Dean rubbed their nose together with a smile. They heard steps and Dean jumped back.

Sam winked at Dean that fixed his jacket as the door opened and Liam walked in. "Samuel, Dean I need you to research this demon." He gave him a picture and Dean nodded covering his mouth with his hand faking a scratch, the downside of Dean's pouting lips that got easily flushed and even more pouting and inviting.

"Yes sir."

"Here give it to me, let's face it Liam Dean's not the smartest tool" Sam said chuckling dodging Dean's playful punch that laughed.

"Just make sure that you two actually work and not just play around." Liam said sharply and shot Dean a glance that nodded. Sam rolled his eyes and pushed the on button on his computer. Dean waited until his father left and chuckled.

"Play around?" Dean scratched his head a habit he had when he was uncomfortable or nervous, "think they know?" he whispered as if the walls had ears.

"Naw… your dad would have my head if he knew." Sam said half joking half serious and waited until Dean sat down beside him his hand on his lap.

"Yeah, I mean you being a bad influence and all." Dean said chuckling and kissed Sam's cheek and made sure that they where totally alone before pulling Sam into a real kiss again. They hadn't seen each other for two weeks an eternity for them.

"Here it is Aduro Infensus, hmm you can only kill it by lighting it on… fire… ironic a fire demon that can only die with fire." He said grinning "I think we did a good job don't ya think?" Sam asked wiggling his eyebrows comical and Dean threw him on the bed straddling him and started to tickle him.

"Yeah, play time." Sam laughed hard and looked up at his father that walked in with an amused smirk. John knew his son was in love with Dean, he knew it since day one. Oddly enough it never bothered him at all. What father could deny his son's happiness? He knew that Liam would never approve or at least that Sam was the boy for Dean.

John was certain that neither of the boys were gay, he never once saw them checking out another boy. They only seemed to have eyes for each other even if girls tried to come between them a loads of times. Girls seemed particular interested in Dean that never seemed to notice.

Liam wanted his son to be a true soldier but John knew that Dean had too much of his mother in him, and Sam was a big influence of mischief and disobeying. It wasn't not a quality John approved either but he raised Sam to be his own man even if it come to Sam talking back at him all the time and question his methods.

"Boys didn't Liam say no goofing around?" John said teasingly scowling. Dean shot him his famous charming grin that could melt anyone.

"The correct word is playing." John smiled widely Dean had that effect on the Winchester men.

"Ah I see you been spending too much time with Sam." He said grinning and looked amused at his son that did a face.

"Hey!" Sam said offended but then grinned "the way to kill the demon is oddly by fire." He said gesturing his dad to leave that lifted up his hands in surrender laughing. "Sho" he made a wildly gesture with his hand and Dean laughed poking Sam's ribs.

"Yeah sho John." Dean said with a wide smile, so wide that is almost covered his entire face. Sam's eyes travelled back to Dean a smile playing on his face as he saw Dean's glittering eyes with happiness his cheeks flushed of laughter one word could describe it _beautiful_.

"I feel so loved." He said grinning leaving them "teenagers" he muttered getting a pillow thrown on his face by Sam that laughed.

Dean looked down at Sam leaning down for a kiss and Sam rolled them over so he was on top "stay down submission boy," he said pinning Dean's arms beside his head with a big grin.

"Me submission? I think not, I always paged" he rolled them over making Sam give a little guff as his head hit the pillow "you as a bottom" he said husky kissing Sam's lips, nibbling his lower lip. Dean was addicted come to think of it he was addictive with everything that had Sam with it, he was proud to say that he was a Samholic.

Dean's hand travelled down without thinking, he heard Sam make a sound and he stopped in his tracks they hadn't taken that step yet, it wasn't like they could talk about it like two school girls. Like hey Sam I love you and want to make love with you to prove my love. That just sounded silly and way to much of a chick flick moment. And by saying I want you so bad just sounded he just wanted Sam's body… well that was true but he wanted more then that.

"Maybe…" Sam interrupted himself propping himself on his elbows he blew air to get a strain of hair in his eyes. He glazed into Dean's eyes that pushed himself back sitting far away "I know that you…"

"What ya mean with that?" Dean asked edgy.

"I just mean… your fifteen… you have urges…" Sam blushed into the deepest red but paled up when he saw Dean's look.

"Spit it up Sam."

"I'm not ready for sex." Sam said honestly. He wished he was but he wasn't, honestly the whole idea terrified him to the core. He was just not ready, he was afraid it would hurt that he would do something wrong.

"Sam… its not like am pushing you or anything right? I just got carried away." He said with a low voice not daring their parents to hear.

"I know but you have been carrying away many times now… it's not like I'm prude it just… I'm not ready." Dean looked away ashamed.

"Sorry" he said muffled looking down at his hands his fingers playing with the bracelet on his wrist that Sam given to him. Sam truly hated that Dean would get angry with him, he sighed reaching out for Dean that backed away a little.

"_Dean_" he said hoarsely feeling his eyes tear up, he hated the fact he was so damn sensitive with Dean. Dammit he wished he would stop with the damn crying already. "_I'm sorry" _he sobbed almost out. He feeling guilty and not worthy at all.

"For what Sam?" Dean asked with a frown stroking Sam's cheek.

"Don't be mad at me." He begged and he glanced into Dean's eyes saw the hurt flash in his hazel eyes.

"Sammy, I'm not mad. C'mon you were just being honest, I'm mad at me. Not you. Perhaps we should just…"

"No!" Sam cried out running out from the room he didn't even had a chance to reach the hall before getting pulled in his room, more like being carried to his room then thrown on the bed.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Want them to find out huh?" Dean whispered harshly.

"I don't care! You're ending this anyway," Sam said sobbing.

"What? No, you want to end us?" he asked hurt touching his heart as if Sam stabbed him.

"No… but you said…" Sam felt even more guilty seeing Dean in pain as he stroked his chest.

"I never got to finish before you freaked out! I was about to say that we should perhaps discus… what you are comfortable to do and what your not… you know ground rules… so it won't be misunderstandings." Dean said scratching his head.

"Oh"

"DEAN! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!" Dean ran out. "We are heading to the motel down the road." Dean nodded not daring to question his father knowing exactly what his father would do if he did.

"Bye Sam we talk later," he promised before scrambling after his father that was barking orders.

"So this is okay?" Dean asked lying on top of Sam that nodded fervent, feeling tingles in his body that only Dean could create. Dean kissed him languid their hand's clasping together Sam untangled one of Dean's clasped hands and stroked Dean's back and down on his lower spine when his fingers found a way under the jeans and underwear Dean rolled away as if he had been burned.

"What?" Sam asked a little breathless leaned on his elbows blowing a strain of hair. Dean shook his head.

"Don't do that," he said hoarsely a little desperate. "I'm gonna… go…"

"What why?" Sam asked sitting up "your dad and my dad, may come back in less of an hour! Then we won't have any time alone." Sam whined but he saw Dean's shook of his head.

"No I have to go…" he tried again pointing down a little and Sam saw for the first time the buckle in Dean's pants and blushed.

"Your gonna…" he felt his cheeks burn even more, damn he was such of a prude! He never even dared to touch himself yet.

"Uhm no… more like an ice cold pack." Dean said and walked out the room feeling embarrassed and stupid. He ducked his head not daring to look at Sam while trying to cover up, as he walked out he expected hear a laugh or giggle something but there were only silence. Dean didn't know to take it as an omen or a bless, maybe Sam got tired of him thought he was too pushy or something maybe he was trying to come up to say how the end it all… Dean felt a clench in his heart.

Sam walked in to the kitchen sixteen minutes later he saw Dean sitting on the chair looking very, very sad. "Dean?"

"You want to break up don't you?" he said in a calloused tone. Sam was in total chock but reacted when Dean stood up sniffing a little and began walking out.

"What no… why?" Sam started he grabbed Dean's hand "love Dean you" Sam blurred out completely incoherent. Dean furred his brow but then came into realisation he looked blushing down on the floor. "I…" Sam started but his voice failed him.

"I… you… I mean…" Dean tried to get out, struggling with the words.

"Yeah?" Dean nodded and Sam smiled brightly that matched his looking shyly at each other their hands clasping swinging a little ducking their heads.

Their little love sick puppy mode broke of the sound of two cars, they ran to the living room popped in a movie they already fast forced the popcorn already half eaten they spread some popcorn on the couch sitting comfortable a safe distance between them the popcorn bowl between them.

"Hey boys" John greeted at the boys that nodded back "what ya watching." They started to stutter completely different movies to quick say the other making them look like stupid fools but Liam didn't seem to notice as he carried the bag with guns.

"Dean clean these up," he half ordered half barked.

"Yes sir" Sam sat with his father that sat down looking at the old action movie.

"So what's the movie about?" John asked trying to fight back laughter and a huge smile when Sam started to stutter.

"Cars… explosions… you know the usual." John couldn't hold back his laughter "why are you laughing?"

"Nothing son nothing at all."


	3. The end

**a/n: haha im so stupid i accidently posted this chpt in archive for short fics haha obs haha**

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"You're sure this is so smart? I mean dad is just…" Dean shushed him by a small peck on the lips, Sam smiled and kissed him back. Sam's arms went around Dean's neck that hugged his waist and the door swung open.

"Fuck!" Dean cried out as Sam gasped they saw Liam standing there panting like a damn wild animal his nose drills flapping. Dean did a little choking sound when Liam grabbed his collar hard making him fall back dragging him out. Dean made a quick escape by lifting his arm and slipping out of his shirt. It would be funny sight if it wasn't so damn serious.

"Dean!" Liam yelled loud as Dean made a run for it. Sam laughed nervously feeling like he was going to have a nervous breakdown as he watched Dean run with Liam after him.

"What happened?" John asked panting running in after a work out.

"Uhm… Liam… he kinda caught us…"

"Oh"

"Oh?" Sam asked.

"It wasn't like I didn't know Sam… damn Liam…" Sam nodded feeling like he was going to crack totally his freaking father knew! They heard Liam's yelling and a strangled cry out in pain both knew it was Dean.

They ran out to se Dean on the ground panting lying on his back as Liam shook him as a rag doll. "Stop!" Sam yelled out desperate not recognizing his voice at all.

"Stay out of it!" Liam yelled to Sam that was about to run there when his father stopped him, John grabbed Liam's arm.

"Liam his just a boy."

"His no boy did you know what I caught these boys doing! Kissing John!" John shook his head.

"That is no reason for you to beat up your son!" John yelled trying to push Liam away but Liam was much stronger man. Sam ran there grabbing Dean by his pit holes dragging him away from Liam.

Sam checked Dean for any wounds but Dean pushed his hands away and hoisted himself up "sorry dad," Dean said quietly. Liam shook John off and walked straight into at his son that winced as he spited the words out in Dean's face.

"We are leaving."

Sam looked begging, pleading at Dean his hand open offering it to Dean, begging him to choose him, pleading him not to abandon him. He saw the pain in Dean's eyes the tears he fought back, he tried to speak but nothing came out. _Stay, please stay with me_. Sam begged and Dean looked pleading at him not to make it more difficult then it already was. But Sam wasn't going to let go without a fight.

Dean looked at his with conflicted eyes he was starting to reach out for him when Liam barked "Dean! Car now!" Dean's eyes got even more tearful, he started to back away from him and it crushed him. Sam shook his head taking a tiny step forward begging Dean that froze and began to take a step towards him.

Liam saw his son's action and walked towards the boys grabbing Dean's collar dragging him to the car "_bye Sammy_." He heard his son whisper to Sam that was crying silently a big heavy tear spilled from his eyes, Sam grabbed Dean's hand giving him something. Liam had enough of this and pushed Dean roughly into the car slamming the door shut. He glanced at his son that was looking down at his clenched hands, a tear fell down on his hands.

"Stop that, crying is a weakness, be a man and suck it up." Liam heard his son sniff and breath deeply a couple of times and his features became cold, Liam glanced at his son that glance at him and he felt a knife stab in his heart when he saw the flicker of pure hatred in his son's hazel eyes.

Sam watched as the car that drove off and he began to sob, he felt his fathers comforting hand on his shoulder and he pushed his father away and began to run. Sam ignored his fathers calling. He just ran and ran he ran until he felt his lungs burn he ran until he thought his heart would burst he ran until his knees dropped on the pavement he ran until he almost passed out.

He broke into tears his heart hadn't been ripped out but was bleeding, his soul had been ripped out from him brutally splitting it in two, leaving him hollow and empty. He saw a payphone and began walking, he calling his father.

Sam sat in the car crying silently he didn't care if his father was there, he just didn't care. He loved Dean with all of his heart and being but now he was gone. The word broken heart didn't even measure up of how he felt.

John looked at his son feeling sad, he had seen the boy's awful farewell he had seen Dean's eyes. How he did try to choose Sam but Liam took that choice away from him. He did what only a father could do at time like this he put a arm around his son that broke into heavier tears and sobs, sobbing all over his shirt he stroked his son's back driving carefully.

He tucked his son in that was still sobbing silently. He couldn't say that it was just a love that would pass, he was certain that they were soul mates of some kind but that even didn't seem right it seemed more then that.

John glanced around the room and frowned and for the first time the Winchester men got a taste from Sam's powers as all of the plants in the house withered.

Sam sat on his laptop typing a new essay but his thoughts only took him back to Dean he didn't know why, the whole week had been Dean, Dean, Dean. It was odd they hadn't spoken for years… he felt his heart clench he glanced at the cactus that started to wither but he shook his head.

He remembered two months after the separation Dean had called from a payphone he only said one thing, "Sammy" hoarsely before breaking into tears making him cry to they didn't speak just cry.

Then after two hours of just crying into the phone he had said those three words "I love you" for the very first time to him, Dean said that people said I love you all the time without meaning it so he didn't believe in the words, he thought actions spoke lauder then words. "I do Sammy, I wanted to stay." He sobbed and Sam knew it was the truth but then it came "dad send me away to a… place. Wait for me?" he pleaded "please" he begged.

That was the first time in all of the years Sam heard him cry since he feared his father was badly hurt, and Dean never begged but it was all he was doing now he. He begged and begged Sam was out of words. Sam knew just knew he loved him with all of his heart so how could he not wait he promised he would.

The other call came seven moths later and Dean asked him if he waited Sam had said yes and Dean said a thing that broke him. That he didn't have to wait anymore, because he didn't but when Sam heard the crack in Dean's voice he knew it was a damn lie and he had cursed Dean out. He even said he hated him but both knew it was a damn lie that was the last call Dean made.

Dean had been gone from him three years, three damn long years, three years, nine months fifteen days, he glanced at the clock 14 hours. There was a knock on the door and he knew it had to the pizza guy because his dad had ordered pizza again for the fifth time on a row. He walked to the door and gasped.

_Dean_, it was Dean! He stood there a green bag hanging in his hand short military cut with green army pants and green army t-shirt and military boots. It took no genius that the place Liam sent Dean was the army. Sam's mouth was wide open for the first time he saw the cut on Dean's lower lip and the black eye. His eye was swollen almost infected, a big ugly bruise on his jaw "_Dean_" he stuttered in utter shock.

"Hi Sammy" Dean said in total bliss of relief. Sam felt all of that love in his heart burst again and they pulled simulate into a fierce hug. Both at the same height now their heads burring into each others necks breathing in each other sense again. "God Sammy, I've missed you." Dean said hoarsely almost in tears, Sam couldn't agree more.

"You're truly here." He said hoarsely feeling his eyes burn with tears their foreheads bumped into each other. They looked into each others weepy eyes with utter love and happiness but also hurt of being apart those long three years.

"Sammy" he whispered allowing a tear fall from his cheek "I… you have no idea… I've missed you." He breathed out burring his face in his neck again hugging him closer, even if it hurt his ribs as hell he just didn't just care. Sam was here holding him, nothing in the world could be more right. "I… _Sammy."_ He wished he could express himself better.

Dean never could express himself that was Sam's specialty not his. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him, with out quoting every single love song out there, he wanted to explain how much he missed him without sounding all to needy.

Sam was out of words. "Sam did the pizza arrive?" Sam heard his father's voice and their hug broke apart, he heard Dean sniff and dry his cheeks from tears. "Dean?" he heard his shocked fathers voice.

"Hi sir."

"Still John Dean," John said softly and walked towards Dean that had hunted eyes he saw the cloths and shook his head. "Those are some nasty bruises, let me have a look." He carefully put a hand under Dean's chin taking a closer look on the eye that was starting to get infected. "Good to se you Dean," Dean managed a crooked smile making the dry blood on his lip crack a little. He patted Dean on the back in a camaraderie way.

"You to John, can I… stay?" he asked worried, helplessness in his eyes and John nodded.

"Of course your dad?" Dean looked down and John got his answer, it had been Liam that hit Dean and by the looks of Dean's right hand he had punched him too. His knuckles red and a little spurt of blood that wasn't his.

Sam waited for his father that was a pro of taking care of injuries to take care of Dean that was glancing at him time to time. Sam bit back a gasp when he saw the big black bruises on Dean's ribcage, there were clear prints of a boot and fists. John left them alone in Sam's room and Sam thanked the gods for having such a good father.

They were in silence for a very long time, "so you… graduated?" Sam asked trying to break the silence that hung over them like a black cloud. Dean looked at him.

"Yes" Sam smiled softly when he saw the pendent he given Dean hung around his neck, "less then a week ago."

"A week?" Sam asked hurt, for a week Dean didn't contact him.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to my father… about… _you_." Dean said murmuring the last word and Sam felt a clench in his stomach.

"He hurt you, because of me?" he asked tears forming in his eyes and Dean stood up taking his hand hesitant.

"No because of me and how I feel… about you. Sam… I don't know… if you still… or if you… moved… on with someone… but I…" Sam interrupted him knowing Dean was lousy to express himself, he always was the one left to say everything that needed to be said and heard from them.

"I loved you still, always will Dean, I've waited for you, just as you asked me to." Sam saw the big form of a huge smile on Dean's features and Sam couldn't help but to smile back their lips crashed together again the taste of Dean's blood didn't bother Sam he was kissing Dean again. His fingers hugged Dean's hips close he felt Dean's arms around him their lips never breaking contact, breathing in hot air into each other.

They broke the kiss breathing faster, Dean glanced at around the room "I knew that you were gonna be this school geek since day one." Dean said touching the books with one hand the other still hugging Sam that nuzzled his neck telling him to pay attention to him and not to the room. They started kiss again small kisses in the beginning trying out each other again, Dean opened his eyes to se Sam with his eyes closed and his eyes widened as he saw pens and papers float.

"What?" Sam asked into Dean's mouth that froze.

"The pens… papers… they were… uhm… floating…" Sam scratched his chin not knowing what to say.

"It's me… I have… telekinesis… visions… also a little of an empact…does it freak you out?" Sam asked worried. Dean shook his head then grinned.

"I always knew you were special, but not how special. Let's make things fly again." Dean said with a huge smile, Sam's lips tugged up into a smile and kissed Dean.

"Boy's pizza has arrived." Dean almost ran out from Sam's room leaving a shocked Sam in the room.

"I haven't had pizza for years," he heard Dean comment to John that chuckled Sam walked in and sat down eating his pizza much more slowly.

"So the army?" John asked, he had been an officer a long time ago, Dean looked up from his pizza talking with his mouth full making Sam's nose wrinkle in disgust.

"No, more like military school, they wanted me to stay, telling me I had a great future in the army but I was out of there as soon as I could. I ain't wasting my life in the army; I'm a hunter not a G.I Joe." Dean rambled swallowing and taking another huge bite.

"So collage is a no for you?" John asked scratching his stubble.

"Me and school don't mix." Dean said grinning pushing Sam's shoulder lightly that just smiled at him happy to have Dean back in his life.

"Sammy here is looking into Collages, Stanford right?" he said the last part to Sam that nodded drinking coke. "He want's to be a lawyer." John said proud, he wanted that Sam would have a future, Sam would help him kill the demon that killed Mary that was the agreement and he would pay for school. He didn't want Sam to be a hunter like him, sure he took Sam on hunts as a backup but that was not a life he wanted for his only child.

"Hey you can bust me out of jail." Dean said grinning but there was no doubt in Sam's or John's mind that it would happened, Dean was a daredevil, cocky to the core.

Sam chuckled he couldn't stop smiling, he followed his fathers eyes to the window outside to the neighbours garden where the flower burst into beautiful roses, those very roses had been dead as long as they stayed at this house.

Dean changed his cloths and walked out to the porch were Sam was waiting, "Dean… you have no idea how long I've been dreaming… wanting this moment."

"Seeing me in track pant and your sweeter?" he asked jokingly but he sat beside Sam, his hand hesitating reaching for Sam's that smiled and grabbed his hand and kissed it.

Sam heard Dean's happy sigh of bliss come from Dean's lips he rested his head on Dean's shoulder that unclasped their hands and put the arm around his hips and clasped their hands together again the other pointing up to the night sky "remember when we use to make up these star signs?" Sam nodded smiling happy. His hand resting on Dean's thigh snuggling close to Dean as human possible. "When I was at school… I use to sneak out in the middle of the night lay on the wet grass and look up the sky, remembering every sign we come up with… the once you came up with."

Sam knew Dean was never good with words but when he told him what he did, he didn't understand how damn much it meant when he spoke from his heart.

They laid on the grass laying straight their heads laying beside each other one their bodies not laying at the same direction at all but laying on a straight line Sam's head pointing were Dean's feet pointed. Their arms pointing at the sky, coming up with new star signs.

"Look there we have our unicorn!" Dean said with a light happy tone making Sam chuckle happy. "And se the snake!" Sam nodded and clasped their hands together even if he was going to get a cramp in arm it was worth it.

John came out looking at the boys pointing at the sky he smiled crooked remembering when they were younger pointing at the sky he remembered that Dean had ordered Sam around while he drew their new star map. Sam had been pouting and sulky but still obeyed Dean that couldn't draw himself because Liam never allowed him to.

John remembered buying a colour book to Dean that mixed the colours up and that's when he realized that Dean was colour blind he asked Dean a couple of questions that almost brought the small boy into tears.

Dean was so far away from knowing what affection was as it came John had ruffed Dean's hair smiled at him played with him so he would at least have a small childhood. "Hey boys."

"Hi dad" "Hi John" they said at the same time and they sat up their backs were at each other and they turned to face him sitting side by side. He threw them two apples.

"Hey Dean want to follow to Oregon and kill this Gaul?"

"In Oregon? Ya mean in the woods?" John nodded "don't sweat it I killed it two days ago."

"By yourself!" Sam cried out smacking Dean's arm that nodded not understanding why they were upset.

"You never go on a hunt alone Dean, it's dangerous!" John scowled at Dean that looked up at him.

"Dad sent me alone on hunts since I was thirteen." John could hardly believe it.

"You're joking? What the hell didn't you say anything before?" Sam yelled.

"It's not a big deal!"

"Yes it is Dean, you were thirteen! Liam had no right to do that!" John burst out.

"He's my father he did make all decisions."

Sam looked impressed at the car then amused at Dean that stroked the hood kissing it lovingly just like he kissed him. "Dude you have to be kidding me! You're so not in love with a peace of metal!" he scoffed feeling a little neglected when Dean began to scratch the window carefully from dust.

"Sch, she might hear you. Be nice to her, she's my baby." He said lovingly stoking the hood.

"DAD!" John ran out thinking that something was seriously wrong of the desperation on Sam's voice he froze in his tracks almost drooling when he saw the car in front of him. "Dean totally lost his mind… his referring the car as a…"

"Oh god she is beautiful." John said touching the black hood. "Impala Chevy 68" John turned around to se Sam pout and arms around him.

"What's wrong Sammy boy?" Dean snickered making Sam scowl at him.

"Don't call me that pretty boy" Sam said with a huge grin knowing exactly how much Dean hated truly hated that word pretty boy.

"Okay truce," Dean glanced at John that was checking the hood of the car, "I got the car from my commander."

"Really?" Sam asked with a frown, looking at the car.

"Yep, he loved me" he said grinning. He looked at the two Winchester men's crooked eyebrows waiting for the truth. "Okay so he hated me for three years, I got the car as a… payment…" once again their look "okay to shut me up…" he rolled his eyes "his wife got night visits from a certain, succubus."

"You mean incubus," Sam corrected but Dean shook his head with a grin, Sam burst into laughter.

"And you took his car?" John said scowling to Dean that nodded proud.

"C'mon he put me through hell, I deserved this baby" he stroked the hood lovingly.

"Sammy are you sure? I've waited for four years I can wait longer." Dean said softly to Sam that smiled at him with a smile that screamed I love you. Dean slowly undressed holding Sam's eyes to se if there were doubts or hesitations. He crawled on top of Sam kissing his lips hoping that Sam could feel his love. "Sammy?"

"Mmm" Sam said in a daze concentrating on that naked flesh pressed against his body, he kicked his jeans off with his underwear while kissing Dean's lips.

"You know love songs?" he murmured into Sam's lips.

"Mmm"

"I feel so for you" Sam laughed happy feeling his body sparkle he looked into Dean's eyes.

"Ditto Dean, ditto."

Sam stirred yawning and smiled lazy at Dean that was snoring still, Sam's arm was a sleep but it was worth it as he saw Dean drool a little on his arm looking very relaxed. Sam's fingers scraped Dean's head in a loving gesture and stroked his back.

He felt wonderful in a total bliss more then so, he had made love to Dean all night until dawn. Sam's heart fluttered there were no pressure in their love making both happy taking their time, he would never ever tell or utter a word that he was so damn proud and in a total bliss that Dean had in fact remained a virgin, no girl no boy just him only him.

Sam had been inside of him so he felt a little sore he stretched slowly and smiled lazy at Sam that was grinning big Dean smiled back. He snuggled close and murmured into Sam's neck "I lo…ve you."

Sam heard a small crash and jumped up, he slowly sneaked into the living room seeing the bugler he threw a kick at the bugler that easily grabbed his leg making him lose his balance taking the bugler with him down.

"Dean?" Sam asked in disbelief, as he saw Dean's grinning face only inches from his.

"Yup" Dean said jumping up pulling him up.

"Sam?" a girl voice asked and Dean looked straight with a cold stare and then at Sam that walked towards the girl.

"Everything is alright. This is Dean, Dean this is my roommate Jessica." He introduce quickly seeing Dean's cold stare at Jessica, Dean narrowed his eyes for a quick second before looking normal again.

"Yeah, right… Sam we need to talk in private." He spited out private rude making Jessica shot him an angry glance.

"This is our apartment, you can't just…"

"Jess please excuse us." Jessica nodded leaving them alone.

"So Jess…" Dean started jealous and Sam shook his head.

"Roommate think I would cheat on you?" Sam asked sternly almost scowling.

"No…" Dean said more guilty

"So gonna tell me why you had to break in like a burglar then knock on the door like normal a boyfriend?" he asked scowling but still a little amused.

"Your dad is missing."

"What?" Sam asked worried. "Are you sure? I mean… he can go for a week or two…" Sam started to ramble and felt Dean's hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

"He had been gone for two and a half week, I was down in north when I got a call… c'mon." he took him to the car where he played the message.

"God that is a voice, a female voice," Sam said freaked out "what…"

"I need your help; I need you to come with me," Dean said matter of factly.

"I can't" Sam said freaking out completely.

"Sam it's your father."

"I have this interview this weekend… and I have these test I have to study," Dean shook him and looked straight into his eyes.

"I need you to focus, your father is gone we need to find him, I promise you that we will be back to the weekend. Do you understand what I'm telling to Sam?" Sam nodded "good go to your room and pack." Sam nodded again and was walking away but Dean pulled him into a kiss and murmured into Sam's lips "its gonna be alright." Sam nodded believing Dean.

"You can't hurt me, I never cheated on Dean." Sam gasped in pain as the woman in while dug her long sharp nails into his skin.

"You will," she said trying to kiss him when Sam heard the shot he cracked an eye open seeing Dean with a rifle.

"You're going home bitch," Sam said pushing down the pedal down.

"Admit it you loved working with me." Dean said grinning kissing Sam's lips seductive making Sam moan a little.

"Yeah"

"Then come with me." Sam backed away from Dean looking at him pissed.

"Don't start that! I know it's my father, but I fully trust that you will find him! This is my future, this is my life." He said with clenched jaws.

"And what about me? Huh? What about me?"

"What about you Dean? You're my boyfriend, I love you but I'm keeping this life, the normal life dad wants me to. Why can't you accept that?"

"Because..." Dean yelled out.

"Because of what? Tell me!" Sam yelled back and added more softer "please" knowing that Dean couldn't resist a please from him.

"Because I know I don't have a place there."

"Dean…"

"Forget it, you want to have your little American pie life have it, get out of the car." Sam got out knowing that Dean would anytime yell that he would get in again.

"Dean, why is it so hard for you to believe that…"

"Bye, Sam I call if I find _your_ father." He snorted driving of leaving a shocked Sam outside, Sam waited for an hour outside but gave up sitting by the phone waiting for Dean to call him.

"Sam?" Dean asked softly touching his shoulder.

"We have work to do." Sam said before slamming the trunk shut.

**THE END

* * *

**

thanks for reading 


	4. sequel

**title: Have none**

**a/n: its a little slow and had a huge writters block :/ but hope its okay anyway**

**Dead in the water. **

Sam narrow jealous his eyes down at Andrea that kissed Dean's cheek in a way to friendly way. Dean looks surprised and a little embarrassed as he slide into the car and Sam waits until their in the open road before he push him fuming. Dean looks at him confused in a ´what did I do?´ kind of matter and Sam put his arms around his chest sulky.

"She kissed me!" Dean defended like a small brat. Sam didn't reply "it wasn't like I knew she was going to do it… what could I do huh? Push her away?"

"Yeah you could have pushed her away."

"She was thanking me." Dean argued to Sam that looked out. "I'm sorry okay?"

"It's fine."

**Phantom Traveller. **

Dean breathed in and out trying really hard not to look at Sam, if he had the strength he would wipe Sam's stupid amused smirk off. "C'mon Dean Lets get off the plane, we landed and the we're the only ones left…" Sam said looking around the empty plane. He clasp Dean's hand and kiss it gently "c'mon it's okay now." He promised Dean that looks at him a little lost.

**Bloody Mary **

"But it is Dean! It's my fault! She died because of me!" Dean shook his head.

"NOT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!"

"Doesn't matter. I'm doing this."

**Skin **

"You know you broke Dean's heart ya know." Sam felt a stab in his stomach but his face or poster didn't even flinch. "Is it wrong to still be jealous on a dead girl? If I was him I waste her." He said almost hushing way which would in other occasion make Sam shiver but not this time.

"Where is Dean!" Sam demanded. He looked straight into this shift shapers eyes with determination and without any fear, his father would be proud perhaps even Liam. He didn't even flinch as it got closer leaning over him almost whispering into his mouth.

"You know Dean loves you, I mean I love you and you left. I think I will say hello to _Beccy._"

**Asylum **

Dean looked up at Sam with anguish eyes. "You always chose the damn hunt before me! You left with your father!" Sam snapped, "Liam he fucking hates you and you still choose him over me! And Jess she died because your stupid hunt! She died because you had to drag me away!"

"So it's my fault? Huh?"

"I had a normal life with her I was happy! And another thing John is my father not yours so don't act like his son! You have a father Liam remember? LIAM NOT JOHN!"

"Okay, let me do it easier for you, go on take it real bullets will work a hell a lot better then rock salt. TAKE IT." Sam aimed the gun at Dean. "You would do it? You'd shoot me?" Dean asked feeling his heart shatter. The sound off clicking was all he could hear.

**¤ **

Sam was biting his thumb glancing at Dean nervous "Dean…"

"I said I just want to sleep." Dean said with gritted teeth while driving.

"I'm sorry." Sam waited for any respond but got none he felt his eyes burn.

**Scarecrow. **

"Know what? Get out." Sam frowned he got out follow Dean to the trunk. "You want to go to your dad then go! Don't let me of all people stop you." He grabbed Sam's back throwing it in Sam's face that was a little shocked. Dean winced quickly grabbing his chest but backed away as Sam made a movement of getting close.

"You got to be kidding me! You can't just leave me here!"

"Hitchhike. Goodbye Sam." Dean slammed the trunk close and sat down in the car, Sam stood there feeling like a fool as Dean said goodbye he couldn't help but to feel fear as it felt like forever.

**Faith **

Sam stands up "huh? You mean we're leaving right now?" Dean asked in disbelief, Sam nodded and Dean was about to stand when Sam lifted him up "hell no!" he objected.

"Dean shut up okay, I won't nag on you for two hours." Sam promised with a smile to Dean that was trying to push him away.

"Deal." Honestly, Dean was too weak to struggle he bit back his pride and let Sam cradle him in his arms like an infant. It had been long very long since he been in Sam's embrace he breathed in Sam's smell wanting to stay like this forever.

**Shadow **

Sam frowned as Dean started to ramble about the girl and he felt a jealousy creep up "you fucked her!" he accused Dean looked offended. "Never mind." Damn the damn uniform itched.

¤

"It's just something about this girl I can't put my finger on."

"Maybe you should just do her." Dean snapped angry.

"What?"

"Meg"

"Dean…"

"Forget it." Dean gestured leaving Sam to sigh heavily.

**Dead man's trap **

"You got to be kidding me." Dean said looking into the yellow eyes.

"It's a little funny how even I knew about Jess. Don't you ever think it was odd that Sam never even once told you about her?" Dean flinched a little.

¤

"John _please._" Dean pleaded.

¤

"Sam check on your dad."

"Dean"

"Check on him Sam."

**Season 2 **

**In my time of dying **

Sam looked around the room with a frown he felt Dean around but it couldn't be, "Dean?" he asked the thin air. "I must be going crazy." Sam pulled the chair closer to Dean's bed where Dean laid lifeless. His palm stroked Dean's cheek with love "please Dean wake up. Please don't leave me, don't leave us not like this. I just… I miss you Dean I miss us I know I just fuck things up but… I love you. Please wake up for me." Sam looked around as he felt a wind against his skin. "Dean?"

¤

"I swear to god Dean if you use this against me I will kick your ass." Sam pulled out the board.

¤

"So we agree?" Sam asked his father that nodded. He honestly hadn't expected this. His father was willing to trade the gun and bullet for Dean's life. Not that his father was cold bastard like Liam but that gun was the only way to kill the demon as they knew it.

"Yes Sam what do you expect? You think I would just let him die?" John half snapped. "I will…"

"We both will dad." Sam cut off.

¤

Sam leaned over Dean's body kissing his forehead before pulling the board out, he quickly turned around as he saw Liam standing there. "Oh god what are you doing here?" Sam asked grimly. Right there stood Liam with his dark blond hair and cold brown eyes.

"If you forgotten he's my son."

"Since when?" Sam asked angry feeling his anger flame up, he really needed to try to control his anger. He was a calm guy but ya piss Sam off he couldn't stop his anger. John called it the Winchester fury.

"I don't need to explain myself at least…_you_." Liam said bitterly looking down at Dean "I got a call from Bobby, funny I hear it from Bobby. Is it so hard to for you to pick up the phone? Or is your intelligence not…" suddenly the glass on the table flew straight at him. Liam looked accusingly at Sam.

"What? It wasn't me." Sam said cocky looking at the monitors as it beeped and then evened out.

¤

"Are you so foolish John! You can't make a deal with the demon!" Liam roared to John that pushed himself up on his bed. Sam looked at John that roared at Liam that he was a fool, and asked if he even had a heart.

"Do you even care about Dean?" John asked suddenly looking straight into Liam's eyes there should be something but there was nothing.

"Sam you can contact Dean, I couldn't. I need him to tell me more about the reaper." John grabbed Liam's arm.

"Your not even here for your son. You're here for a hunt!"

"So what!"

"He's your son! Your only child! Your legacy, the only thing you have from Rebecca!" Liam didn't flinch he just stood put.

"He's a disappointment! He shouldn't even been born!" John frowned he saw from the corner from his eye how Sam's body arched up before grabbing Liam's arm forcing him to turn towards him. "Fuck you dad!" Sam punched Liam hard in the face, "cool." Sam looked at his hands before gasping almost falling to the floor.

"Sam!"

"Dean" Sam gasped their eyes averted to the door as doctors started to ran, Sam pushed himself off the floor running after the doctors.

¤

"You did a whole Patrick Sweasy on me." Dean lifted his brows in amusement "Yeah I could feel you inside, it was… intense and I could smell you on me" he scratched his head uncomfortable as he heard John hide his face from laughing and Dean's wiggling eyebrows "I mean that you possessed me for a second there."

"Really?"

"Yeah" Sam said, "are you feeling alright?" Dean nodded "Dean…"

"Just my chest ache a little."

"Should I call for a doctor?" John asked quickly to Dean to admit pain was like a man without legs to run.

"Naw don't be so worried, I'm fine so what else fun happened while I was out of it?" Dean asked reaching for his glass to drink. Dean chuckled listing to Sam talk about his little walking around the hospital as a ghosty thingy. Dean smile flattered as Liam entered the room "what the fuck are you doing here." It wasn't a question but Dean demanded it.

"Nice seeing you to." Liam said sarcastically ignoring Johns warning eyes and Sam's hatred. "I need you to tell me exactly what you remember." Liam said grimly Dean laughed bitterly.

"Nothing."

"Dean it's not a joke, you meet the reaper. This hospital has more death rating then any other hospital I need you to tell me if it's the reaper is evil or not."

"I don't remember. Sam said I was hunting it but to say it was just their time."

"So your time was up." Liam said coldly Dean narrowed down his eyes.

"Sorry to disappoint you." Dean said bitterly. Dean stared into his fathers cold eyes, he felt his heart sick he still had hope that his father could maybe just maybe love him a little or care about him but there was nothing. His father wouldn't even care if he was dead, he felt a cold stone in his chest, for a moment he wished he was dead.

"You have to try to remember." Liam almost spat out walking closer and Dean felt a little smaller.

"I'd like to remember how I punched you now that would be a fun reconciliation." Dean grinned wide and made a chocking sound as Liam yanked his t-shirt. "Okay that's it." Dean kicked the cover off standing up wincing Sam was gestured by John to not meddle. "You want to hit me HIT ME!" Dean gripped Liam's arm angry. Liam clenched his hand and punched Dean right in the face hard.

**Bloodlust **

"He is not your father Dean! I know you want a fucking father but he is not the answer! Ya hear me? Gordon is not the answer." Dean turned his back at him "your father is Liam a cold hearted fuck and how much you try to deny it he is your father!"

"Don't you think I know that? But this is not about my father this is about you helping evil!" Sam looked dumb folded.

"No I'm not! Dean you're really scaring me your turning just like him! You're turning into your father!" Sam roared he stumbled back as Dean punched him hard in the face.

¤

Dean turned the radio to tune out Sam's pleading. Sam tugged his arm and Dean shot him an angry glance and Sam looked at him with anguish but Dean didn't care. And like a fucking cosmos joke Wicked game started to play. He half-expected Dean to change or put one of his tapes in but he didn't he just stared at the road a hunting expression in his eyes. Sam felt a stab in his heart, Dean was hurting over him… again.

Sam sniffed he looked out the window, he tried to change the radio but Dean slapped his hand away. He squeezed his eyes shut he didn't want to her Chris Issac bear his soul on this song…he hated that Dean the fact that Dean felt familiar to this song. Sam wanted to cry out but didn't instead he looked straight at Dean. "I'm sorry."

"You know what, I'm really sick of hearing that come out your mouth." Sam looked at Dean.

"But I am I am sorry." Sam persisted trying to catch Dean's expression he was silent a long time as the music stopped Dean turned his head at Sam looking him straight in the eye.

"You said it so many times it lost meaning to me." Dean said callously.

**Simon says **

Sam just passed Jo feeling a sting of jealousy in him, he hated that girl hated the way she threw herself at Dean. He glanced back seeing Jo talking to Dean he angry banged on the door.

¤

Sam saw how guilty Dean was of leaving Andy but he had their numbers and they would check up on him. Sam felt like a fool he should be worrying about Andy or reassure Dean, but he couldn't Jo was on his mind.

Before he could think his mouth opened, "you like her?" Sam asked with a trembling voice the pain clear in his voice even if he tried to shield it "Jo do you like her?" Sam asked again looking into Dean's eyes, which brow furred and shook his head.

"Yeah like her," Dean saw that Sam was about to break into tears "but not like that… unlike you I still love you." Sam was taken back of the statement unresponsive he saw the flash of anguish tears in Dean's eyes as he reached for his jacket and left him alone in the motel room with a bleeding heart.

¤

Sam sat with his legs crossed waiting for Dean on his bed. Dean walked into the motel room a little surprised seeing him on his bed. "Sam?" Sam stood up tilting down his head his hand around Dean's neck and pressed their lips together it had been months and months.

"I do still love you Dean." He whispered into Dean's mouth looking into Dean's eyes that snapped up fear hope and pain in his eyes all in once and Sam hated himself for putting it there.

"Don't" Dean ordered but his body was pleading Sam.

"I love you, I hate myself for hurting you. I was to blind with the guilt over Jess that I couldn't se that I was hurting you." Dean backed away as Jess name spilled out of his lips. "But your not all innocent either, I mean you never once told me about Cassie." Sam wanted to strangle himself.

Dean backed as if he been slapped shaking his head as if he thought he heard it all wrong and Sam hopped to god he did. "Don't turn this on me! You knew that me and Cassie where just friends from military school."

"You never came back after meeting her." Oh my god whats wrong with me! Sam's brain screamed.

"I fell asleep on the couch. Do not try to pin this on me! Cassie is different from Jess I never loved Cassie. I never whished a life with her!" Sam was about to speak and Dean just held his hand up, "just stop this. We have been good so far why do you need…"

"Good? Good! You're hurting I'm hurting. I'm sorry Dean I really…" he gestured wildly with his arms.

"Just shut the fuck up!" Dean screamed desperate and Sam backed down.

**No Exit **

Sam looked as Jo talked to Dean he tuned out and said he would get coffee. He saw Jo lean over the table showing some of her rack to Dean that was busy researching. But still…

¤

He glanced up as Dean tried to talk to Ellen.

¤

Dean sat down in the car glancing at Sam "Liam is the reason why her father died." He said and Sam frowned. Sam frowned at Dean "I'm fine." Dean looked at Sam "you never liked her anyway now we have to stay away." Sam looked away "it was never something like that." Dean explained but Sam never uttered a word.

**Unusual suspects **

Sam laughed at Dean's lame joke shaking his head as they walked, Dean flashed him a wide smile and Sam felt his heart beat faster. He took a chance a bold one he gripped Dean's arm and crashed their mouths together. He half-expected Dean to push him away but Dean clung on him in a way he never done before. Like he was clinging on the moment afraid that is would disappear.

As they broke apart Dean had a happy grin on his face "c'mon we have to get my baby."

**And now the continue of the story. **

"I never was in love with Jess. Yes I did love her as a friend as the illusion of being normal. To not be in love with my best friend which was a hunter. I was just afraid. You love the road you love the hunt the thrill. I never fitted into the whole story. I was just afraid that you would leave me so I left first." Sam breathed in shaky, "I just… couldn't stand you leaving me again, I died last time I couldn't breathe I just… started to ran. I started to feel alive when you came back."

Sam licked his dry lips stroking gently Dean's clammy forehead. "I'm so god damn in love with you. You have no idea you would probably have my balls saying I'm a god damn woman. So I say it now, I'm so in love with you. I love you. I wish you would forgive me, I can't blame you for not wanting me. Can't you just tell me what you want? Just… god Dean I want to fight for you so bad but I don't want you to force you either. Just… tell me can't you just tell me? I just… don't want to lose you please don't let me loose you." Sam begged.

He dried his tears "fuck I'm crying how pathetic isn't that?"

"Its not pathetic." A very hoarse Dean said his eyes slowly fluttering open he looked up at Sam that looked a little surprised then ashamed. "Its not. Wasn't it your father that said a real man allows himself a cry now and then?" Sam chuckled shaking his head.

"How much have you heard?"

"Mmmmm everything."

"Dean!" Sam scowled not really mad just really nervous. He offered Dean water that sipped it while wincing a little.

"Hey couldn't wake up. Fuck how much did they take from me?" Dean whined almost and Sam's lips tugged up into a smile.

"They took your spleen and appendix, next time your sick just tell me rather then passing out." Sam lectured Dean just looked at him with a wide goofy grin "wha?"

"You love me." Dean pointed out with a grin, he saw how Sam's cheeks became very similar to tomatoes and Dean felt his lips tug into the hugest goofiest grin in the entire world even if he felt like shit he never felt happier.

"Maybe." Sam shrugged with a grin his dimple deep in his cheek he hesitated giving plenty of time for Dean to say no as he leaned forward. Their lips meet and Sam sighed with bliss he kissed Dean with short small kisses before going into the kill, his tong sneaked into Dean's mouth that was responding eager. A kiss hadn't felt nicer.

"Hello mr… Swchiskchy" the doctor said with difficulty and Dean grinned at Sam that winked.

¤

Sam carefully put the two coffee cups on the nightstand he kicked off his shoes and put the box on the night table. He peeled his hoody off with his jeans, he sniffed and feeling a little under the weather. With a hoarse voice he started "happy birthday to you, happy birthday… Dean happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu," he sang with a grin as Dean stretched his body lazy with a smirk "twenty five how does it feel?" Sam asked straddling Dean with the cake between them. Dean leaned against his elbows and smiled tired his eyes swollen his spiky hair messy.

"Like I'm growing really really old." Dean breathed out like he was in serious anxiety.

"Aww wait… is that… it is… dude you have crowfeet!" Sam narrowed down his eyes gasping wide eyed. Dean's eyes wided and Sam burst into laughter his head thrown back.

"Dude not funny." Dean said his finger leaving his face, he narrowed his eyes at Sam in mock anger that was smiling broadly.

"I think it was. Don't worry your still a pretty boy," Sam answered cheekily with a wink would make Marilyn Monroe blush. He offered a fork to Dean that didn't take it Sam grinned and dipped the fork into the cake and fed Dean that grinned. "I can se myself doing this very soon, you being old and everything. Teeth falling…" he laughed as Dean poked his ribs.

"Yeah two years really is a huge difference." Sam nodded laughing. He felt ridiculous happy he scowled at Dean's cell phone that went off. Dean grabbed the phone answering while dragging down Sam's elastic band of his boxers, Sam wiggled his eyebrows at him playfully. "Oh hi…" Dean sat up quickly pulling away his hand and pushed Sam off him afraid that he might se them.

"_Dean, don't say my name_."

"Uhm sure."

"_I'm really feel bad telling you this on your birthday and all…"_

"Spit it out." Dean said feeling nervous as hell. He wasn't disrespectful the worry was in his voice, John sounded way to off.

"_There has been killing in New Mexico and you're the closest I would…" _

"I understand. Its fine. Will you…"

"_Yeah, I will send you the information to Sam's address… you understand why…"_

"Yeah he would probably just scream rather then listen." Dean chuckled a little amused Sam was frowning at him clearly wanting to know what he was talking with. John chuckled agreeing. "Be careful sir."

_"You to take care of Sam Dean."_ It wasn't a request but an order.

"With my life. Bye." He hung up looking at Sam offering a stiff smile. "Get ready we have to get moving."

"What!" Sam burst out. He booked the room for the weekend they just started to get closer again sharing the same bed again nothing more then that yet but Sam had planned it for the weekend those planes where crushed. Dean kicked of the covers exposing his naked form Sam licked his lips looking at Dean.

"We are leaving. There is a job in New Mexico hand me the computer." Dean requested gently knowing pretty well that Sam was upset. They had time for themselves licking old wound healing each other. Starting to complete each other being happy but it was still so new so fragile it could so easily break.

"No it's…" Sam started to protest standing up.

"Sammy." Dean pleaded, Sam hung his head low sighed and nodded he gently reached for Dean. Dean allowed himself being pulled closer to Sam burring his face in Sam's neck his eyes fluttering close, he felt a wave of calmness wash over him as Sam stroked his back.

"Dad must have send it to my email right?" Sam felt Dean nod "okay, we still have to research so we can still enjoy the cake… and leave later today okay? It that okay?" he asked almost whispering to Dean that seemed be in daze Sam smiled gently holding him a little closer. This was nice this was normal this was home.

Sam laughed as he stuffed a big piece of cake in Dean's mouth, he looked at the screen there was five missing all females all white all blond. Sam rolled his eyes mentally serial killers ghost's demons whatever was dragged to blond girls if he was a girl he died it black. Dean's chin popped on his shoulder while hugging from behind reading what Sam showed.

Dean tapped the wheel happy as singing old 80's rock tune Sam smiled his head leaning on his palm while watching Dean with utter awe and love. "My little rock star." Sam murmured sliding closer his tong flickered over Dean's earlobe that shivered his eyes fluttering "hey, watch the road." Sam chided putting an arm around Dean it felt damn good to be so close to Dean again. Sam was a very touchy guy he liked to touch feel that's how he knew he was alive and he was alive again more then ever.

"Sammy I know I'm hot but try to restrain yourself." Dean grinned cocky, Sam rolled his eyes but didn't move away. His other hand ever so innocent rested on Dean's thigh and started to stroke he heard a noise from Dean and took pity on him and pulled away his hand. Sam was sexual frustrated it was no kidding matter he missed being with Dean. When Dean got him it was worse then collage. Because in collage there was the phone but when all the drama was there Dean was right there but he couldn't touch.

Now he could touch and dammit he want to touch him. "Dean…" he breathed out "I miss you." He breathed out husky really husky Dean shivered against him.

"I'm right here." Dean choked out.

"No I mean _I miss you_." Dean made a oh face and his cheek flushed red. "Pull over."

"Hell no."

"Why not?" Sam whined.

"Because." Dean objected. Sam sighed but stayed put he pulled away his arm hugging Dean's arm and rested his cheek against Dean's shoulder. He felt a kiss against his head and smiled gently.

¤

Sam panted loud as he ran the two girls thrown on each of his shoulder he winced as he breathed the blow had hurt like hell. Dean was off to kill the ghost bitch, a revengeful powerful ghost that took girls taking their beauty leaving him hideous. Something to do that she lost being a prom queen or something like that Sam would never understand girl drama.

"Take it you son of a bitch." Dean aimed the gun the ghost that sneered at him the rock salt was fired. A cocky crooked grin was pasted on his face as the ghost faded he lighted the bones up standing watching the flame dance into the night sky. He bushed off the dirt from his jeans and leather jacket. He picked up the gun and gasoline tank walking back to the car.

¤

Sam grinned goofy feeling giddy as he stirred in the bed, Dean was still asleep on top of him. He weighed but it was fine, Sam stroked Dean's back waking him slowly up. Dean peeked one eye open and smirked crooked. "Hi" he breathed out wiggling closer as if it was even possible Sam couldn't help but to laugh out.

"Hi slept well?"

"Mmmm like a baby." He said with a smirk he pushed himself up stretching his body before allowing himself dropping on Sam that made a sound as the air was pushed out his lungs. Sam slapped Dean's ass that grinned "hey! Still sore here." Sam rolled his eyes, last night was a wow factor put what ya expect after having no sex in almost a year? "Ya know we are so not leaving this bed today." Sam crooked an eyebrow in amusement. "Ya know to take back what we missed ya know." Dean said hugging Sam that shook his head.

"Ya know that would take day and nights."

"Really?"

"Mmmm"

"So… what are you waiting for?" Dean rolled on his back and Sam laughed. But he didn't take his time rolling on top of Dean that wiggled his eyebrows his legs already locking around closely around Sam. He threw back his head into the pillow moaning loud as Sam wiggled into a better position.

"Damn you're easy." Sam said husky reaching for the lube under the pillow.

¤

John rubbed his eyes tired he cracked his tired bones. He felt at easy something was wrong he just felt it and he knew better then to ignore his instinct. He looked at his cell phone it had been quiet for the last week. It didn't help that Liam thought he had the right bark orders at him time to time. He really didn't understand that man.

Liam had called saying which hunt he should take and not take John didn't take bullshit at least from Liam. They fought more then they agreed. But Liam was a great hunter there was no question about that and John was a amazing hunter together they could accomplish a lot but they didn't like each other enough to work together they would probably just end up killing each other.

He reached quickly for the phone as it went off. _"I'm so sorry, soo sorry. I bring him back I promise."_ John froze as he heard Dean's raspy voice in pain in physical pain as in heartache.

"Dean?"

"_I bring him back."_ John heard the promise but he didn't want promises he wanted action when it came to his son he stood up feeling his heart beat hard in his chest.

"Tell me where you are!" he ordered angry.

" _Montana__…_" then he hurt a grunt of pain Dean was hurt before he had a chance demanding where he was exactly and where he could found him he heard a loud growl then a shout of pain before the phone went dead.

In Montana there was a John Doe that fitted Sam's description. He sat in the hospital room holding his sons hand that was lifeless. The tube in Sam's mouth cut like a knife in John. His son was dying. Dean was not around all he heard from the doctors was that a bleeding man had carried Sam into the hospital then disappearing. Sam was not a little guy he was 6´3 he was heavy with his body muscular.

Dean hurt and carrying Sam must had taken a lot will power. John was pissed at Dean for not staying with Sam what if Sam had died? There was many what if's but Dean… he could be dead to.

¤

John rested in the motel room the doctors had finally given him the boot he was not allowed to visit Sam until the next morning it was already eleven pm and John sighed. There was heavy knocking on the door. He opened the door with the gun ready. What he saw was something he didn't expect a very bleeding Dean.

Blood dripping down. "For fuck sake!" John called yanking Dean into the motel room.

"Is he okay? Is he?" Dean asked desperate as John angry ripped off Dean's cloths checking the wounds. It looked like a bear had clawed his face, open wounds some already infected. His chest was ripped up once again John wanted to strangle Dean.

"You would know if you stayed!" John barked angry.

"I had to…" John shot him a look and Dean looked away in shame then dared looking at john that clenched his fist and started to patch Dean up. he really would go to the hospital but Dean wanted John to patch him up before they left to the hospital.

John wanted to shake Dean roughly scream _how could you allow this to happen! I trusted you to keep him safe I trusted you!_ He looked into Dean's tearful eyes visible with pain, he didn't need to say it because Dean heard it anyway "I'm so sorry." He choked out. John looked away Dean didn't cry but he was now. Tears falling from his eyes he looked away in shame. John knew he had to say something because Sam would have his head if he didn't.

"Let's go to se Sam." Dean nodded wiping quickly his tears and John couldn't help to fear that one day Dean would stop. To one day turn into the man Liam wanted if he kept repress his feelings John didn't want to be the reason to draw the final stray but he couldn't utter a word.

¤

"Hey stranger." Sam's whispering voice said looking straight at Dean that had his back at him looking out the window. Sam looked with dazed eyes as Dean twirled around quickly, tears threatening to fall from Dean's eyes. "Hey I'm fine." Sam promised he hurted like hell but he didn't want Dean to feel guilt.

"I'm sooo sorry, I…" he choked on his words he sat beside Sam wanting desperately to hold him tight Sam looked at him pained. "I…" he closed his eyes he remembered his fathers mantra, never show fear, never show doubt, never show pain, never show hurt. He squeezed shut his eyes his mantra died as quick Sam's hand rested on his cheek.

"No mantra Dean. I'm fine. Its not your fault you told me not to leave…" Sam said trying to catch Dean's eyes that darted them around and he stood up.

"I should call your father."

"Dean…"

"Sam don't you almost died because of me. Because I got reckless. I… I couldn't stand the thought of you dying because of me."

"Fuck you don't even think of leaving me!" Sam could already se it in his head, he saw it clear as day another out come of this event. Of Dean walking out, leaving him to his father. Leaving him forever and stop being Dean and becoming a soldier and not Dean. "I'm warning you Dean!" Dean stood up trying to flee but the door slammed shut and locked. He heard a choking sob from Dean.

"You almost died."

"Yeah well it happens in our line of business." Wrong answer because Dean stiffed "I didn't mean it like that. Dean, c'mere." Sam said ever so gently "you can't leave now. We're doing this." Sam said with determination not allowing Dean to disagree, now you come here and hug me dammit!" he saw that the corner of Dean's lips tugged into a weak smile. "And you kiss me dammit!" Dean looked at Sam with a smile that smiled back he open his palm for Dean that grabbed it.

"Your not making it easy for me to walk away." Dean said with an unrecognized voice and Sam blinked slowly like in a duh factor. "Sammy" he breathed out kneeling down on the floor "marry me."

"Sure we go to Toronto and get a Volvo and two dogs." Sam said jokingly but blinked as Dean stared at him vulnerable with his hazel eyes glazing at him "your serious." Sam said in a realisation.

"We can't get married."

"Why not?" Dean demanded to know. still on his knees and Sam winced as he moved to face him better.

"Oh let me think for one last time I checked we both have dicks, I'm not religious neither are you so church… hmm fake id's what they will match?" Sam asked cynical. Dean sighed falling on his ass. "Dean we're just not meant to get married. Doesn't mean we wont try to grow old together. Fight for growing old together stuff…" Sam said. He saw the disappointment in Dean.

"Your right, must have hit my head harder then I thought." Sam shook his head as Dean stood up. "Really stupid." He chuckled bitterly looking out the window "I should call my father. Don't worry I won't leave." Dean promised breathing a little heavier then normal and Sam just knew Dean was hurting.

"We can get matching rings, or necklace or wristband… like promise or something like that. That would be nice."

"Sam…"

"No I'm serious. It would be real for us. If you want it to." Dean grinned.

"Your such a girl."

"Ah says the one that went down on his knees."

"Must I remind you that you do that to?" Dean asked with a wiggle of his eyebrow. Sam scowled.

"GO and call my dad before I kick your cute butt."

"It's not cute! It's… handsome."

"Okay before I kick your handsome ass sweetie." Sam chuckled mischievous and Dean flashed him a bright smile. As Dean walked out Sam breathed out wincing peeking down bandage rapt tight around him. His leg was broken perhaps he could convince Dean to offer a sponge bath, who was he kidding Dean would jump at the chance.

"Dad" he greeted as his father walked in embracing him, "I'm fine dad." He responded the tight hug it had been a while since he seen him, last time was after he helped Dean fixing up the Impala while mocking him for not knowing which was a wrench hammer and what was a crow bow. He had felt a little jealous as Dean and his father had talked while working the Impale he had gotten bored watching and walked into Bobby's house studying his books.

"Well it was a close call Sam." From the corner from his eyes he saw Dean flinch and look down. "I've been thinking Sam… Dean would you excuse me?" Dean nodded.

"Yes sir." John waited until the door was close before smiling tightly at Sam that was looked at him anxious.

"I want you to go back to school."

"Dad." Sam started to protest.

"No listen to me, you and me talked those years ago. I want you to have a normal life Sam, with the demon out free its not safe for you on the hunt. Their drawn to you Sam because of who you are. The demon wants you for some reason…" John breathed in worried. "Dean…"

"No dad." Sam snapped "its not my fault! He warned me I didn't listen."

"No Sam… Dean he's a great hunter Sam, but with you he gets unfocused he focus on you Sam not on the hunt and that's dangerous both for you and Dean. I need to know your safe I need to know that you will be okay. And Stanford is the answer Sam, you always wanted to be a lawyer…"

"Well dad hate to burst you bubble but, there is a warden…"

"Don't lie its on Dean not on you. There is nothing on you." John interrupted "you are going to go to school Sam and that's final don't want to be a lawyer? Be something else but you're going back." John said with authority and Sam was about to protest "no Sam no! Your going back, I already called as soon as you get discharged your going back."

"I can't!"

"YES YOU CAN!" John roared and Sam backed into the bed a little afraid "you're going, I know you're grown up in the laws but you're still my son and you are going to listen to me!" he saw the anguish tears in Sam's eyes. "What Dean decide is none of my business."

"He can't come with me there because there he's a killer." Sam said with a hollow voice. Looking anywhere but at his father. He heard his father's intake of breathing, "it was a shape shifter." He explained. "I will go back to school… but not that one." Sam said looking straight into his fathers eyes. "Even if Dean's not coming with me I can't stay there knowing Jess died there because of me." John nodded.

"Then its settled. I will let you talk with Dean."

¤

"Dean come back here!" Sam cried out as Dean slammed the door shut, Sam feel on his motel rooms bed.

"He needs to cool off." John said. Sam was about to speak as they heard the car pull out the parking lot.

"Well… you wanted me safe you got me safe and alone." Sam said tearful limping into the bathroom slamming the door.

¤

"Dean" John said as he got closer to Dean that was sitting on the hood staring at the horizon.

"John if you're here to…"

"Talk some sense into you?"

"Yeah don't bother." Dean said. "We both know that I don't fit in that world, we both know that back in your head it was more then just Sam being safe. It was Sam being not with me. Because you think I can't protect him… well your right I can't I proved it right?" John just looked at Dean that was so empty no feeling no anger his voice flat. "We both know he deserve the best and I ain't it. I know he deserve the whole American dream. He can be safe in school. And I will hunt down that son of a bitch and find a way to waste it to keep him safe."

"Dean its not…"

"You think he's not pissed enough to allow me to drive him there?"

"I think…"

"Yeah… your right." John wondered with what.

¤

Sam seemed to stare his reflection but he wasn't really staring at him he was looking at his father and Dean he felt tears burn in his eyes. His father was wrong Dean was wrong. Sam shook his head.

¤

"Do you remember when I was ten? And I kissed you?" Sam asked Dean that looked at him with a smile.

"Yeah…" Sam smiled scooting closer and kissed Dean a wet loud kiss "ah just like that one." Dean said with a wide smile "I remember hot wanting to wash my face for days… well until Liam threw me into the shower but still." Dean grinned.

"Really?" Dean chuckled "anyway I remember just thinking if I kissed you, you would perhaps like me."

"I always liked you Sam since day one." Dean said softly lowering the radio. Sam smiled brightly "you where sitting drawing you where five, drawing a air plane with a crayon on the floor and you looked up with this big smile and I remember feeling this butterfly in my stomach like someone tickled me. And I remember thinking what you smelled like."

"What I smelled like?" Sam chuckled.

"Yeah… you're saying?"

"No I wanna hear more." Dean shot him a look and Sam smiled. "Anyway that you liked me as I liked you. Then you pushed me off and I remember…"

"You cried like a baby." Dean chuckled and that earned a slap from Sam that scowled angry at him, as if the betrayed still stung. "I was shocked! You just kissed me when I was training!" Sam but his arms around himself petulant. "It was self defence I though you attacked me!" he defended.

"Remember feeling like the world had crashed on me. But then you kneeled down dried my tears and kissed me back," Sam smirked "then when I hugged you, you brushed me off."

"You where a little clingy." Sam chose to ignore that.

"And I got mad at you and left then the next day I made sure you saw me kiss some girl…"

"Joanna Kripe" Dean said bitterly "why the hell did you kiss her? She wasn't even cute!"

"Well it worked, sure she was cute! And you know it!" Sam argued "you got jealous and took my hand and dragged me away. And you kissed me again. And I said you could kiss me again if you promised me not to leave me. And you kissed me." Dean's smile flattered. "I saw it Dean. I saw you talking to dad."

"Uhm… how?"

"Mirror."

"Okay…" Dean tired to playoff as if Sam was crazy but Sam didn't care.

"You will stay with me right? Your not going to hunt for the demon Dean, I have reasons why you shouldn't"

"Yeah"

"Yeah, like you asked me to marry me, how can you expect being with me if your leaving me? And we are not breaking up that's not a option. So you have to come with me, and protect me or whatever just for the record I've saved your ass just as much as you saved my, thank you very much. And I have gifts to protect myself you don't so really I should be protecting you now shouldn't I."

"Want me to play domestic boyfriend?"

"No, or yes just be you your capable to find a job… a real job Dean." Sam added bored "and you can still hunt inside the state."

"Oh your allowing me to do that how sweet." Dean said sarcastically.

"Yeah real sweet that I wont tie you down keep you in the basement until you come to your senses."

"Kinky."

"Dean."

"Sam." Dean sighed "I try I promise you I will try and if it don't work out…"

"We find ways." Dean kissed Sam a wet loud kiss just like Sam given him. "You're a dork you do know that."

"And you're a even bigger goof because you love me for it."

**THE END **

A/N: Ha! I'm done! Yey!!!! Started it wouldn't work got a writes block and everything. Sucks but hey I finished it! yey!!!!!! So proud!!!!!!!

Days I wrote it! yey for me.

29 october

20 nov

25 nov


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